Thursday, February 12, 2009


The last couple of months have been a bit rough for me. The winter months usually are difficult. I have to remember when I feel down that it is temporary. I have felt frustrated and impatient with my boys. I have been feeling pretty down about myself. I could go on and on, but let's just say I've been blue.

Today, as I was reading books with Gavin, I realized I didn't feel that frustration and that sadness and that I haven't for a couple of weeks. I wanted to know what it was that made the difference. I don't remember a particular event. It is just gone and I can feel the difference.
I know the beautiful weather we have been having has certainly helped that happy feeling!

Gavin and I read a book from the library called Always by Ann Stott. It is starts out with a picture of a little boy and it reads "Do you love me?" "Do you love me when I get dressed all by myself? Do you love me when I'm gentle? Do you love me when I'm not?" The book continues in a similar pattern. It brought me to tears. The little boy reminds me of Gavin.

I thought about the last couple of months and all the frustration and impatience I have felt with them. I wish I could take back the times I was impatient and frustrated with them. I can't and I am sure that I will continue to have time where I feel that way.

But, oh how I love them. I love them even when they don't get dressed by themselves. I love them when they share with each other. I love them when they jump off the furniture. I love them when they give me hugs and kisses as I go out the door. I love them when they make messes. I love them when they clean up their messes. I love them when they throw tantrums. I love them when they hold my hand and tell me they love me. I love them when they spill blueberries on my chair. I love them when they tell stories. I love them when they use their imagination. I love them when they get up at 5:00 Am. I love them when they get up at 8:00 AM. I love them when they take naps. I love them, always.

I hope that I remember every day why I love them, so I am going to post everyday during these cold winter months why I love them.


Morgan said...

that sounds like such a sweet book. i have been feeling very much the same lately. somedays i just sit there and watch my boys play and i can't help but think how much i love them and how lucky i am that i get to be their mom. thanks for sharing!

breckster said...

I think those times where frustration is rampant is the hardest part of being a mother, and those times where you can see clearly past all the things that usually block the vision of the sweet angels are the best part. If only someone knew how to get past the frustrating parts.

You are a great mom, and a great NY mom on top of that.

Cindy said...

Emily, I just love reading your blog. I love it because you are such a "real" person and you don't hesitate to say how you feel frustrated or overwhelmed. I feel that way all the time, to both extremes. I decided when I was pregnant with Jackson that I really needed to journal, so that when my kids grow up and I feel guilty or sad that I didn't enjoy "young momhood" more that I will be able to remember that it was HARD! It is so wonderful to have young children, there are so many joys, but SO many frustrations as well. It feels so good to hear another mom say that :-)

Ryan said...

sweet and heartfelt post Em. I think febuary is a hard month-but its the final one till spring, more light, warmth, etc.

David and Jana said...

Hey Em, Winter IS so hard! I feel that way quite a bit during the winter and it's very normal!!! I think it has something to do with growing up in the sunny southwest.
It does take a step back to realize how much they need us and how much we need to love them ALL the time. Sometimes by the end of the day I want to pull my hair out.
You are a great mom. Nobody can do your job better, and those little boys are happy and well taken care of. I bet for all the things we feel we could do better, they still feel loved and safe. Thanks for sharing, it helps to know we're not alone!

Ella's Life said...

What a sweet post, Em. It made me remember my days as a new mom in NYC. I remember being blue in the winter as well, and just soaking up those days in April when it's sunny enough to enjoy swinging in the park. You're a great mom, and you've got such cute boys...Love you lots.